happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
zippers are such a cool invention
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
