Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
