I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
