So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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