Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
