i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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