She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
