So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
