This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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