ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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