I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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