this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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