Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
