If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
