It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
