Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
