the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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