I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
