if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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