you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
