when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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