is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
