need another drink. this is the easiest way
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize