I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
