if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I touched a dick in church today
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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