Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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