she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
