i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
