the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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