Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
