just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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