you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
