one two three fourrrrnication!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
