Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
