She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
