your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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