not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
