D3 body, D1 cock
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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