i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
