this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
