I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
