dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
