My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
