Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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