The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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