It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
