My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
