Grow some girl-balls and come out already
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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