Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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