He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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