I want to stick my p in your. b.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
