She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
