omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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