I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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