I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
