she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
