If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
