she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
