Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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