Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
