This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
