Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
