Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
