I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
All I want is dick and wine.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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