A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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