He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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