Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
