I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize