I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
3 2 1 whiskey
I just gargled with NyQuil
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
