i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
