Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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