remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
