Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
