I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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