I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
