I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
