woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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