What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
