I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize