I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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