someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
