you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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