the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
