By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
