fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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