Swine flu. Run for my life!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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