so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
