I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
